Unholy Saint

So the edit from last nights major insomniac 'photoshoot' makes me feel like I went a little too cheesy but I like it. 

I at least got to dip my toes back in the water. 

" A newly unholy Saint who's addicted to the taste & drive of sin."

~ I need to play with my deathhawk more to show it off. ~  :3

I give up -_-

I wrote A LOT and it got wiped! -_- I kept my end. I wrote too bad I didn't at least copy it. Damn app 'refresh' when you go through tabs. 

Nocturnal

So I know it's been a long time since I wrote. I stopped writing a little before I got my new phone I believe it was because it was glitching so much. I know this is an excuse (I'm downloading the blogger app so that I will continue to write in the future).

Maybe. maybe writing things out really did help me feel less stressed and more at peace because I was venting. I'm stressed again, and now I can't blame it one stress because of up coming shows or practice. I'm just tired with life, it's bothersome. I love someone who is taking care of me more than the people in need and it still doesn't feel like enough for me. I'm selfish, I want more love from him and I know I already get more than plenty.

 Besides that my relationship with my parents isn't bad (hope I didn't jinx it), my friends and I are getting along, no troubles there (except Willey is still dabbling with something that concerns me, Damian, and Robbie.

Maybe it's my job, maybe that's just another excuse. I always think that I hate my job and need to find another one, something to be proud with for the moment, but than I think we'' 'what would i do in the mean time with no job?' and think 'I could start taking pictures again and than I remember that that is a lie and I really wouldn't get motivated to do it, somethings missing. So than i think 'I could play with my animals and than I remember that I'm a selfish being who doesn't give them all the love and attention they need, I hate being a shitty mortal.

All i really wan to do is spend time with D. I want to be outdoors, I need some fresh air I believe, that tends to break up my negative pit falls; I mean who really knows what will cheer me up. I'm just getting more and more depressed. I'm becoming too nocturnal nowadays. Everyone is asleep and the only being I would care to stay up for is also sound a sleep in his own bed miles away.

I dropped out of my class, I couldn't even motivate myself to complete my work. I missed the first deadline and gave up like a failure, after that I gave up on working out. I made myself think of other things to do when my "Time to work out!" alert would go off on my phone.

Who knows what my deal is. I'm just unhappy, I miss sleep. I miss missing Monday's and going to the zoo for free every week, I miss up going to little trips and finding ways to 'reason" our need for the trips so we wouldn't feel guilty for our spending, I miss me wearing makeup, I miss me being energetic, I miss me taking photos, I miss the confidence, I don't really know who I am right now.


Maybe I can work on it to change it for the better and hell maybe it can start tomorrow but I feel like all of my optimism has vanished, and I've only now admitted it. I'm been fake, I haven't been optimistic,, maybe that's what I miss. I do miss it so much, perhaps once I work on it; the rest will seem easier and fall into place (of course it will, that's optimism for you).

I'll force myself to write tomorrow even if there is nothing, I will force myself to do something. These sinking, pessimistic, disgusting new habits are absolutely draining.  -_-


It is 3:05am, I bid you a goodnight full of pleasant dreams and a wonderful morning as well. 

Happy Mothers Day!

��Happy Mothers Day!�� I  hope you are all giving your mums loads of undivided attention, along with thanking them for raising and putting up with your psychotic weird asses, because I have already thanked mine for accepting my awkward & stubborn self. ��

Museums!! :D

I can't wait to visit more museums this year! I snapped a photo of Shyla while her, Damian, & I visited this one, it was full of taxidermy and prehistoric dinosaurs & animal bones. Also a bunch of environmental information too!

How do yoy start your mornings?

This is how I started my morning. Rarely will there Never be any bananas at my house.

Are you ready for the Grand Rite?

Thank you April.

This month has already been great, this month is rich and plentiful. I'm just thankful for everything, the people I know, the people I wish I could see more often, the people I get to go with to Rocklahoma next month. Most of all I'm progressing myself, witch is something that I never work on till recently. :)

Happy daydreams. c:

If I had the money I would pack my clothes, and take my dog and visit Cyprus, small Italian villages, and Colchis.

I want to travel and explore the world, but no matter what I do I never want to put my dog second. She is my first priority. So when I travel I want to take her with me. That is why I don't want to go on tour with the band, even though Damian has told me to bring her a long so that I can go. Being a low budget band, we can't drive with high AC, nor would I feel comfortable leaving her in a car while we visit towns and play shows. What would be the point in dragging her along only to make her wait till we get done and head back home. Being low budget we would be eating what we could afford, not what we want to eat so that would mean even more spending for me.
Besides that have to think about the possible stress that would go with being in a crampt car for hours or even days.

So all in all, I won't travel with Bella unless I can reassure that she will be comfortable, happy, and most of all relaxed. So once I save up money and select locations, I will take her on a trip with me. :)

Lost.

In between happy and sad, not content either. I guess the only thing to calm me down is clean until I pass out.

DBZ <3

We get to play with Orgy in a month!

We have the honor to play with @orgyofficial . We couldn't be anymore stoked for this, time to put all games and fun aside and rehearse this our fingers bleed!

We are doing ticket holds for immediate buyers, and if you live from Norman to Edmond, even to Shawnee we can drop off your ticket to you. Send us a DM!

Tired of Witnessing Bullshit

No matter the gender, why would you stay in a relationship with someone you don't trust. Someone you can't treat kindly, romantically, and healthy; just let them go. They are NOT an object, they are NOT a possession.
You are NOT above them in any way, so give them respect or end it and move on immediately.

Favorite show/s? Here's one!

#AncientAliens Is one of my favorite shows to just sit down and enjoy. With or without company, the show stays perfect.

I very much enjoy documentaries, what kinds almost don't matter, although I do have my preferences.
Nature/ Wilderness along with Regional and Archeological are my top favorites. I could go on talking and listening about past, historical, or even supernatural events. It's like a whole new level of excitement! To just think about beings or places and their histories, theories, and believes. The way their norm was compared to present day, or how could something so new to us, be something that was already created Pre- Columbus era.

I may not like people but I am fascinated by people and places of the past. They leave trails and clues, but we have to strive to not give up and to continue to search about them, to study them before it gets left behind, lost in history as our newer generations only dumb themselves down with the abuse of technology.

Hope for humanity.

The Chosen One!

My man in armour!

Some girls like their men in uniforms, I like mine in armour. ;)
Haven't done a #mancrushmonday but hot damn how could I not fall for him!

#leather #armour #leatherwork #mcm #tandysleather #medievalfair #renaissance #meninarmour #chestplate #bracers #ebonyarmour #horns #hornedhelmet #skyrim #diy

Bright Sunshine Filled Days!

Finally some bright and sunny weather! Two weeks till the Norman Medieval fair!! The gypsy in me is screaming from excitement!!

Monster Horror Convention!

I'm so happy I got to go back to the Monster Horror Convention with Damian and Shyla! This year they had much more varieties of booths. Of course I went with no money to spend.... but nonetheless I had an amazing time!

Religion..

If religion can be taught to a child the same way racism can, than I'd rather teach children morals, manners, and basic human rights. Along with everyone is equal, no one is above anyone else. Give them the chance to study about all religions, belief systems, and their backgrounds; so they could START at the age 15, they could use the (so far) life experience and see what they can feel most connected to, what they agree or disagree with, and stop the chance of any bullying or ridicule when they notice that someone has picked another spiritual, self, or religious than the one they themselves have picked. Of course they wouldn't have to pick at 15 what they choose to believe, but having that option of studying all believes would just help us survive and advance as a species; they wouldn't feel the need to judge what someone has or hasn't chosen, they wouldn't feel the need to presume someone's nature or background, they would know that everyone experienced a different path, and that no beliefs belittles a person.
So I HIGHLY DISAGREE WITH THIS PHOTO. The act of removing someone's freedom at such a young and highly influential time, just because it is what you agree with is one of the most cruel, unmoral, and inhuman thing to do.