I just need to vent, I just need to get this out, and this way is better than none.

I have a sold out show to play in 19hrs yet something very serious, even critical has popped up. I can't calm down because of the panic ... I already get minimal anxiety right before we play, now this will be our biggest show, with everything we have poured out to accomplish, all of the excitement that has been held for today.. and now playing that show is the last thing I want to to.

I wouldn't bail out, I just couldn't do to the band. Now I just feel so selfish, because I'm not going to let anyone know what just happened, so I'll have to fake laugh, fake smile, and even worse I'll have to lie to the entire crowd, they are more than just an audience, thanks to them we get to play our hearts out to, they give us there all when it comes to energy, they are our motivation, and without them we couldn't play a gig. they are more than just a crowd... now I have to lie to them. Only to be gone for an entire day  while feeling like repulsive shit, and as soon as I come home I'll just cry and cry and cry.